neone's wandering

Well, it has been a while since I put anything up here, with any meaning. My work flow exploded this year, after a suicide attempt, I have to add. During this failed attempt to end my life, instead I reconnected with the kid in me, that guided me trough this whole journey, from this attempt, up to this day ...it feels a bit like Modigliani's search for meaning, where the kid in him is found again, just playing around, making it all right again, to live, to be, to exist. It's a very strange thing to realize, experience, ...this whole process. Not that I advocate suicide attempts, but I just can't shake away it's relevance, this whole process: to seeing, feeling your inner child to be evoked again, to reignite life itself ...a V from vendetta experience (or very similar) to say the least: Since then, an explosion happened with works, experiences, laughter also, very similar with early experiences, seeing my goals being achieved, f...

I often describe things more recently as; for instance as an atheïst, that needs God so badly, to prove that he does not exist, a rationalist that needs chaos, to prove it's own uncertainty towards more flexible thinking or as Watts tried to say: prickly and goo :-)) ying and yang and the thing rolls on and on ... while no one can seem to grasp the answer ...